I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
