Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i think i just lost a toe
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
