Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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