there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
