You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
