oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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