We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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