Say something about gay babies.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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