i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
