Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
