I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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