ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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