I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
