you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
