i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
