just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
