If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
