It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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