it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
