Can Purell be used as lube?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
