Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
