Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
