Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
