So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
