Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
