I want to stick my p in your. b.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
