So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
