Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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