I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
