Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
