Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
