If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
