don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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