he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
