You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
