My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
