so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
