My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
