I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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