I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
