I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
