Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
