I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
