why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
