I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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