Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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