Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
