he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
