the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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