Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
