I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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