you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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