You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
